Wheels On Fire …. *Advisory Explicit Content* Sorry Mam!

Sorry it’s been awhile, it’s not because I’ve got nowt to twist about, don’t be so daft! In all seriousness I’ve been poorly with excruciating pain and with no other opinion than to take high doses of morphine which makes me vomit and then sends me into a comatose state. Unfortunately I can still feel the pain, I’m just too much of a space cadet to do anything about it, it’s pants, I know! Anyhoo, the time hasn’t gone without the odd calamity and adventure though! Of course not! This is me we’re talking about after all!

A couple of things to bring you all back into the crazy Lizzie loop. The car has gone but not without a fight! I cannot let the last sentence go by without a few expletives so cover your ears – fucking bastards! And that’s putting it politely! As always I have a tale to tell. I’m naming and shaming folk today so if you know them or see them about give them a great big cheer!

Firstly, my appointment with the Neurovascular dude at the RVI turned out to be an appointment with a Stroke Specialist, I use that term loosely because he was far from special, he was a pompous, arrogant, patronising arsehole! Hexham General failed to send my notes ahead so the Neuro dude unprofessionally read the first few words of the referring letter, Stroke Physician and didn’t read any further, he failed to see I was 38 and I’d had a head injury and haemorrhage that caused a stroke and he passed me on without my permission to the Stroke Unit to the above described arsehole. I was told by said arsehole that my account of what has happened to me was absurd and preposterous and I would not be sat in front of him today, I was told that no medically trained Physician would jeopardise my life by taking the risks I claimed whether I was at risk of dying or not, he challenged me but quickly shut up when I named the drugs used and procedures, he then moved on to slander me further and again challenging my account but my answers stumped and annoyed him. He then started to contradict himself and get aerated, he insulated me further and pointed to a spot I had on my hair line and asked if that was where the pain was, the excruciating pain that causes me to be on a cocktail of meds and topped up with Morphine, the inescapable deranging pain that debilitates me, the pain that feels like I’ve been bludgeoned and if that wasn’t enough, he sat there and said he thought I was courageous, admirable and outstanding to achieve as much as I have with so little rehab but he had 17 other patients to see worse off than me. The medical student sat with her head bowed in embarrassment, my Mam released the break on my wheelchair to push me away and I promptly knocked it back on again and said I have two pages of questions I want to ask, I then started to read out a few questions to a extremely shocked Consultant, who’s only reply was, I don’t know, those are questions for a Neurologist to answer, I agreed and said, that’s who I was meant to be seeing! And there I sat with my breaks on for 55 minutes until the tears of frustration beat me! Now my family and friends, hell, even my sworn enemies will tell you that I am most certainly not a oh woe is me kind of girl, I have never once in my darkest days ever muttered the words, why me, I never have in all my life, I take what’s lobbed at me, there’s no pity me in this hoose pet, you just get on and work through it, come what may! I told my GP the only time I ever want to see that man again is for him to apologise to me because what I told him wasn’t absurd or preposterous, it was very much fact and now that he has seen my notes, I’ve received a copy of the three double sided page letter to my GP and let’s just say his tune has changed somewhat, he does say he was met by an angry and frustrated young lady but on reflection it’s understandable. Aye, you arsehole! My GP is livid and said I am more than in my rights to write a complaint, Doctors and such likes tend to stick together or sit on the fence so this really did shock us, my current Consultant who referred me is also livid about the encounter BUT something great has come out of it, my case is so rare and so unheard of that it’s being presented in front of the Neurological review board and one Professor has already found something potentially missed on one of my MRI scans which could be the cause of the Dystonia like symptoms I’m having. You know, all this is very much a two sided coin, on one side is the GP’s and Consultants that have messed up more than once and repeatedly, if not for those cock ups I might not be in this situation today or not in as bad a situation but on the flip side, I am incredibly grateful beyond words that they have saved my life five times now. I’ve had to remind myself that these Physicians are humans just like you and me, we put a great deal of faith in them but I’ll repeat the first few words of this sentence, they’re human just like you and me. That’s not me saying, oh it’s ok to mess up, I’m just saying they can! Anyhoo, let’s move on to the good stuff eh?!

So I’ve known Paul Robbie for many a year, he has a garage down Haugh Lane in Hexham, that’s 25b Haugh Lane to be precise *Plug* Back in the days when I was starting out as a young driver buying half knackered cars and some that can only be described as dodgey, Paul had the pleasure of digging me out of a few holes! He used to laugh at my enthusiasm and how much I loved my new, next to near scrap heap of a car. I also know his sister Lynne Robbie, Christ where do I start about Lynne?! Lynne has the biggest heart and is forever arranging workshops and table top sales in Bardon Mill/Henshaw. I met Lynne one night years ago at a mutual friends house, we were all there having a spiritual reading done, we instantly hit it off, we were the Chatty Cathy’s in the room with the loudest laughs! Then we met again a short time later at the Vets I worked at and still take Dylan, Tim Pearson, Orchard House Vets *Plug* and we just kept bumping into each other on nights out, theatre trips, fairs, you name it! I think it’s safe to say we’re friends now! Hahaha Anyhoo, Lynne saw me having a rant about GMAC and Vauxhall, she had a natter with Paul and asked me if they could look at all the paper work I had. Next thing I know there’s a letter winging it’s way to GMAC which took a bit of heat off for a short time because at this point GMAC were either ringing or writing everyday, Lynne also wrote to Don Littlewood and Watch Dog in an attempt to loosen the noose around my neck as there’s a legislation coming into play soon about handing your car back in certain situations. I’m sure I mentioned that the amount of stress I was put under was triggering seizures that they believe are Petit Mals, I’ll park that one there for now cos that’s another blog in the making, no pun intended! So in the end, I still wanted to savour some pride and do GMAC out of their, you’ll be 62 by the time you finally finish paying it off plan, and I sold it back to them which meant finding £2,898.46p. Me and my family accumulated our credit cards to get the bastards and their debt collectors off my back but of course, all I’ve done is swap one debt for another, it still needs paying! My Uncle Dougie drove me to Bristol Bastard Street Motors to do the deed, they’ve always been lovely to me in there, in the past I’ve given them biscuits, chocolates and flowers for helping me out and giving good service but that day none of them could look me in the eye as my Uncle Dougie wheeled me in, I don’t think they thought it was right either. We had our say and as my Uncle Dougie drove me back home he gave me a talking to about how I’d eventually pay the cards off and how I could focus on my rehabilitation now and that in the future who’s to say I can’t drive again, get your mobility and strength back and then look to get a suitable car NOT FROM BASTARD VAUXHALL who are soon to be Peugeot anyhoo! You see, my Uncle Dougie recognised that the tears that were falling weren’t for the piece of red metal, they were tears of sorrow because that piece of red metal was a symbol of my independence and freedom ……

Another little singing ray of light was my little pal Kim Cooper, Manchester lass living in Wales. This kind soul setup a Just Giving page to help me pay some of the debt off. Unbeknownst to me, my fabulous friend Andrea Ashcroft had contacted Lynne (I tell you man, I can’t get shot of her! Lol) about setting up a page too but Quick Draw Kim McGraw got there first. Admittedly, I was dead against it, I kicked and fought with it for the sole reason that I am always the one to give, never receive, I wasn’t ungrateful, far from it, in fact I was floored and brought to my knees at the sheer thoughtfulness, love and support people wanted to give me, Kim won hands down the other night when she flipped the tables on me and said, if it were anyone else would you have done the same thing! DAMN IT!! How did she get all the aces in the deck!? So now there’s a plan in place to pay all the cards off. The problem is I’m too conscientious and worry far too much about what people think, even after many a talking too! After writing this today, I hope the car etc is dead and buried because I’m spent, literally. The lovely Ali Armstrong is always sending me and Mam distance healing, Facebook page Ananda *Plug* whether you believe in the power of the universe or not, it brings me great comfort, through Ali I discovered another lady that I try and catch each morning on Facebook called Carol – Mystical Moments *Plug* Today Carol talked about letting things go {Cue waving arms and Disney singing} from the past, so I reckon that’s what this blog helps me to do, so I shall keep twisting on until I’m twisted out – that’s never gonna happen, is it?!

I also have to do another shout out to Lynne, Paul and Cameron for handing me back a bit of independence and self worth. My Mam is 5ft on a tall day and has really painful bandy legs, we always said she’d never catch a rabbit! My personal diagnosis is arthritis or she needs knee replacements, E L Clark MD! Now anyone who’s pushed a wheelchair will know how difficult it is and I’m sure I’ve mentioned it, if so I’m telling you again, I feel incredibly guilty and burdensome having people push me around. I don’t enjoy it, although I love to be outdoors and love seeing folk, I find it depressing and soul destroying just sat there and knowing the pusher is knackered, I know I’m wicked and ungrateful for saying that because there are folk far far worse off than me but I used to thank the lord when it rained on my Mam’s day off so I wouldn’t have to go anywhere or have her push me about, she used to be gutted when it rained because she knows how little I go out, 11 times and counting, she’d even feel guilty but deep down I was relieved. Mind you, some of that was anxiety and fear too, I can’t lie, it’s frightening out there as much as I want to get amongst it all. You see, I’m safe indoors, my feet and brain can register indoors and I can pull myself about quite happily, outside is scary, there’s noise, atmosphere and ground that my brain jumbles all up and doesn’t compute, I also have very little balance because that part of my brain is damaged too, my feet don’t like shoes either, my Mam will laugh because as much as I love shoes and have about 60 pairs, if I could walk around barefoot everywhere I would! So it was mentioned to me very gingerly as “This girl can!” may just nuclear explode with contempt if one more person or consultant MERELY suggests she may never master walking again, about getting a power chair or mobility scooter. I disarmed my missiles momentarily and pondered. Then the natural researcher in me started to try and do a bit of a recce with the help of my reading assistant (my Mam) Jesus, Mother Mary and Joseph and the bloody donkey that took them there! They’re expensive to hire once you add up the monthly costs, the same with the mobility scooters, you could actually buy three if you added up how much you paid over a year! I was telling Lynne all this, I know, her again! Lynne’s since passed Dad had a mobility scooter and her Mam Pamela still had it, after a chat and a tinker and a spruce up by Cameron, there was a surprise drop off, a surprise because there were no keys through my door nor was there a mobility scooter in my garden. Daft Paul had left it at the wrong house so it was definitely a surprise for the girl that lives there when my Mam and our neighbour Margy rocked up looking for it! I think Paul had kittens! Amongst all the chaos, the gorgeous Lisa Knapton who owns Tynedale House Clearances, 26a Haugh Lane *Plug* arrives with a beautiful Citrine ring I was admiring on her Facebook page, bless her heart, Citrine is a friendship stone amongst other healing properties, I just love it! As Colette said the other day, folk are only paying back what you’ve given over all the years so I feel a bit better about the flow of abundance!

So, after 9 months I finally got to go along on a walk with my beautiful Dylan the Villain and throw the ball and even chase after him, I was tearing it up Fast and Furious style-E! The video is at the bottom of the blog. I even ventured into the Town that Saturday and what a difference, I was doing doughnuts in the middle of Poundland for a little old dear who’s definitely going to get her own scooter now and not struggle on with her walker, I even had the courage to nick off with our Vicki (Thelma to my Louise) to get her prescription at Boots and say a quick hello to Kathryn, though my Mam came and found me a short time later just in case but what a difference to have a small piece of independence back, I can’t thank the Robbie’s enough! Though I have to report back to Paul today and deliver the bad news that my little Red Baron has sadly died whilst I was climbing the hill home, luckily good old Mam caught me and Nathan next door pushed The Red Baron home but there’s a plan forming to get another! So watch out for the sequel! You know what, joking aside, after everything I’ve been through, everything to be flung at me, all the angst of cars, finances, worrying what folk think, shitty so called friends, epic tremendous friends that I’m yet to tell you all about, family, my Mam, my little furry angel Dylan, fighting Consultants to get the correct treatment and being determined to prove the fuckers wrong and WALK and DRIVE and everything else they say I can’t do, I am very very fortunate, beyond grateful and so incredibly overwhelmed to be on this adventure cos what a ride, what a tale to tell, what a challenge! I’m offering life out – C’MON THEN IF YOU THINK YOU’RE HARD ENOUGH!! WHO ARE YA!! WHO ARE YA!! Remember who you’re dealing with, this girl can and I am that girl! BRING IT ON!!

🎶 This wheel’s on fire, Rolling down the road. Best notify my next of kin, This wheel shall explode! 🎶

6 thoughts on “Wheels On Fire …. *Advisory Explicit Content* Sorry Mam!

  1. You go girl show them what you are made off !! Am so proud of you and pleased to call you a true friend. You have been through so much in a short length of time and have good days and bad but you muddle through and embrace each day like a new day. You inspire others and no matter what lays ahead you will face it like a true star you are. Again I am truly blessed to call you my friend. I also adore your mam and dylan xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    “One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness; usually it comes back to you”

    The above quote is very true, you are an inspiration xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You deserve all the good things that come your way and kudos to you for standing up to so called ‘professional’ consultants. A constant inspiration to me, don’t feel guilty about taking meds. Use them to enable you to get through the dark hours so that you can enjoy a few minutes of warm sunshine. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

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